"Lisa Falcone is the bubbly, money-flinging wife of billionaire hedge funder Philip Falcone—who owns 20% of the New York Times. Lisa enjoys the simple things, like her $50 million mansion's basement apartment. She's a role model for young billionheiresses!

The NYT profiles Lisa today for her, uh, "philanthropic" activities, and while the disclosure about the huge stake in the paper that her husband's firm Harbinger holds is small, you can't say they don't allow her to hang herself with quotes:

Ms. Falcone was also reluctant to reveal her age, 40, saying she wanted to be a role model for young people.

Zingaroo! Lisa, a former model, made her name as a giving person by standing up at a banquet for the High Line and spontaneously pledging $10 million, of her husband's money! Since then, the city's cultural institutions have suddenly recognized Lisa's unique insight into, you know, culture:

When City Ballet asked her to be on the board last June, Ms. Falcone said she asked: "‘Why me? Do you really want me on the board? Is it about my husband or is it me?'"

We're scandalized you would even ask! The profile notes that Lisa's wasted who knows how much scratch by hiring publicist Matthew Hiltzik to hold her hand through the interview, and while he tries to cut her off repeatedly, he fails to prevent the creation of paragraphs like this:

While the couple live in the mansion that once belonged to Robert C. Guccione, founder of Penthouse magazine - which they purchased for $49 million last year - Ms. Falcone said she felt most at home in the basement apartment. "I'm still comfortable with the basic things," she said.

Lisa Falcone, you are a jewel of the city of New York! A precious jewel stuck right into a hissing, steaming subway grate, that's how valuable you are, to the city! "I speak from my heart," she says. "I know that sometimes can get me in trouble. But that's the only way I know how to be." Please—continue."